


Animal Shenanigans

by ArcaneLaurels



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Animals, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Pets, They're a Family, adopted angus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14144169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcaneLaurels/pseuds/ArcaneLaurels
Summary: Just a silly trilogy of short fics that involve animals/pets based on some headcanons I have (specific summaries with each chapter)Bonus points if you like my references





	1. "Conspiracy" Has Multiple Definitions

“How many did you say you saw today?”

“Um, about four at school, sir,” Angus answered. “They kept moving around the courtyard and sitting up in trees or on poles near me. It kinda freaked my friends out.”

Kravitz made a sympathetic noise. “I’m sorry about that, Angus, I think that’s my fault. They tend to…well, find me. Whenever I’m in the material plane,” He explained. 

“Oh, I know,” Angus chirped. “I’ve seen them in the backyard. But why did some of them follow me to school?”

“I think they’ve started to take an interest in you. It happened to Taako, too. He always sees one or a few when he goes somewhere, just keeping an eye on him.”

“That’s kinda creepy…” Trepidation was audible in Angus’s voice.

“Oh, there’s nothing creepy about ravens except society’s perception of them,” Kravitz waved dismissively. “Sure, the Raven Queen is the goddess of death, but ravens themselves aren’t bad omens or anything. They’re actually very intelligent creatures.”

“I think you might be biased in thinking that, sir.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong,” Kravitz argued. He stood up from the table. “Come on. Maybe if I introduce you to some of them, you’ll feel better.”

“O-Okay,” Angus nervously replied as he got up.

“Here.” Kravitz pulled something out of his pocket and offered it up to Angus.

Angus took what looked like a few pellets. “What are these?”

“Treats,” Kravitz replied. “They’re special ones for ravens.”

Angus pocketed the treats and followed Kravitz out back, where the usual grouping of ten or so ravens was hanging out. They all turned to look at the two - specifically Kravitz - and watched as they walked up to the porch railing. The hairs on the back of Angus’s neck stood up at the unnerving sight. One raven flew up and rested on the railing in front of Angus, looking almost like it was investigating him. He turned to Kravitz questioningly.

Kravitz held out his hand and the raven readily hopped up onto his forearm, then turned to investigate Angus again. 

“Go ahead,” Kravitz prompted.

Angus dug a treat out from his pocket and cautiously held it towards the bird, who regarded it for a moment before gently plucking it from his fingers and eating it. Kravitz nodded encouragingly as Angus held out his arm and the raven hopped onto it. He struggled to keep his arm up under the weight of the bird, but managed to hold it steady.

He looked up at Kravitz with pride, but hesitation was still visible on his face.

Kravitz didn’t even seem to notice as another raven landed on his shoulder. “Ravens are also very intelligent. They could probably help you with cases where there’s a missing item or something.” 

“Really? That’s amazing!” Angus grinned at the bird, then pulled out another treat. The raven took it and flew off, joining the rest of the conspiracy in the yard. A few moments later, it returned - or perhaps it was a different raven - with a large red feather.

Angus’s jaw dropped. “I know this feather!” He exclaimed, taking it. “This was on my favorite cap that got blown away in the wind a few weeks ago!”

“Oh, yes, I remember. You were inconsolable for the rest of the day,” Kravitz said. “They must’ve been keeping an eye on you for a while if they recognized that.”

“ _Really_?” Excitement sparkled in Angus’s eyes. “That’s so cool!”

Kravitz tousled Angus’s hair a bit. “See? They’re not so scary now, are they?”


	2. The Fuzzball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus finds a kitten and knows just who to give it to

“Ew, Mags, is that a bug?”

“What? No! How many bugs have you seen that are this big?”

“Everything looks like a bug when you hold it in your giant ogre hands, homie.”

“I’m nowhere near the size of an ogre,” Magnus argued. “And it’s  _not_  a bug. It’s a kitten!”

Taako eyed what looked more like a black fuzzball curled up in Magnus’s hands than an animal. “And?”

“Aaaand,” Magnus hesitated. “I found her near my house all alone. No parent or siblings or anything. She’s really small for her age, and I’d take care of her, but I don’t think the dogs would take well to her.”

“So, what? You want me to take it?”

“Well, yeah! Pets are good for kids. And since you won’t let me give Angus a dog-”

“Dogs are gross and slobbery and dumb, no thanks.” 

“-I figured a cat would be a good idea.” Magnus continued as if uninterrupted. “And look how cute she is!”

As if on cue, the kitten untucked her head from under herself and opened her eyes wide to look at Taako. She had one bright green eye and one bright blue eye, and her steady gaze would be unnerving if it weren’t offset by the fact that her ears were comically too large for her head. She stood up and arched her back in a stretch, her tiny claws unsheathing and barely pricking the callouses on Magnus’s hands. 

Taako stared at her with an expression that would’ve been unreadable to others, but Magnus recognized that he was considering the option. 

“I think she might’ve been abandoned for being a runt,” Magnus added in a softer voice.

Taako’s ears twitched at that - which was the exact reaction Magnus was hoping for. The kitten, noticing it, flicked her ears as well to mimic him. It was a cute enough action that it successfully broke even Taako’s defenses, and his lips parted in a small gasp that he didn’t bother to cover up.

Magnus chuckled. “Yeah, I know, right? And she seems pretty smart, too. Why don’t you hold her?” He offered up the animal.

Taako scrunched his face in fake disdain as he hesitated. Magnus knew it was just for show and waited patiently before Taako reached out and plucked the kitten out of his hands. She squirmed for a bit as he tried to figure out how to hold her properly. He quickly figured out the best way to hold her - one hand under and one hand keeping her steady - and lifted her up to eye level and stared at her.

She stared back, her gaze more unnerving now as Taako stared into the depths of her eyes. They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither one relinquishing. Magnus was starting to get unnerved.

Finally, the kitten blinked up at Taako and let out a tiny mew as if pleading with him.

Taako pursed his lips as if fighting off a smile, his ears flattening. “Fine, I’ll take the fuzzball.”

“Oh, good.” Magnus let out a sigh of relief. “You’ll love her, I promise. And Angus will, too. Whatcha gonna name her?”

“Hmmmm.” Taako held the kitten up at eye-level and they stared at each other again. “Jiji.”

“Jiji? Doesn’t that mean like ‘old man’ or something?”

“Yeah, my dude. It’s a little thing called i-roh-nee.” He ignored Jiji as she clambered up his sleeve to his shoulder, no doubt pricking his arm on her way up. “But don’t blame me if one of Krav’s ravens eats this thing.”


	3. Detective's Helper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus brings home a souvenir from a case

“I’m home!” Angus’s shout rang through the house as he hurriedly took off his shoes and raced towards his room, not bothering to take off his coat.

“Whoa, hey, slow your roll there, kemosabe,” Taako appeared from the kitchen and held out a wooden spoon in front of Angus to block his path. What looked like a small shadow darted into the room and Jiji started winding her way around Angus’s ankles in greeting. “How’s the case going?”

“Really great! I solved it, actually,” Angus answered over-enthusiastically. “I’m also very tired from solving crimes and catching crooks, so I think I’ll just go to my room and take a nap before din- Ow!”

Jiji - who was getting much better at jumping - had leapt up onto Angus’s shoulder in one go, using her claws to stabilize herself. She started sniffing at the collar of Angus’s coat and stretched her neck out as far as she could in an attempt to stick her head in it as if searching for something.

“Agnes, I swear to the  _gods_ , if you don’t up your Deception soon, you’re never gonna make it as a master detective.” Taako plucked the energetic kitten off of Angus’s shoulder and dropped her on the floor. She subsequently took off through the house. “What are you hiding?”

“My Deception’s fine!” Angus argued. “I just suck at lying to  _you_ ,” He added in a grumble. With a sigh, he opened his coat and took something out of his inside pocket - a small tortoise.

“What do you have there, Angus?” Kravitz walked in, Jiji perched on his shoulder like a gargoyle statue on a church. Upon spotting the tortoise, the cat hunched forward and her pupils instantly dilated so that her eyes looked all-black. She stayed where she was, though, as if some force were keeping her on Kravitz’s shoulder.

“Dinner, it looks like,” Taako answered for Angus, swiping the tortoise from his hands.

“ _What_?!” Angus and Kravitz asked at the same time. 

“Tortoises make an excellent soup, my dudes,” Taako assessed the small reptile. “I’ll have to fatten him up first, of course. Way too small to feed the three of us.”

“No, Taako, please!” Angus stepped toward him and grabbed part of his shirt. “I found him in the victim’s house and-”

“You stole from a dead guy?” Taako interrupted. “Hell yeah, kid, just like your old man.”

“Mostparentswouldn’tapplaudthatbut  _anyway_ ,” Angus made his point quickly before getting back to the main argument. “I wanted to keep him. He was actually important to solving the murder and he was gonna get sent to a shelter otherwise.” He drew his lips into a pout and looked up at Taako with wide, pleading eyes. “Pleeease?”

Taako pursed his lips, trying not to let his facade crack. “Where the hell are you gonna keep this thing?” 

“I’ll get a terrarium! I even have my own money for it from detective work!”

“And when it gets too big for that?”

“It’s a Horsfield tortoise, sir. He won’t get much bigger than he is now.”

“But what if he and Jiji don’t get along?” Kravitz piped up, gesturing towards the agitated kitten on his shoulder. 

“I’ll keep him in my room!” Angus answered. “And I’ll make sure she can’t break into his cage or anything.” He looked between them, his pleading face back on. “Pleeeease?”

Taako and Kravitz looked at each other, some sort of silent communication passing between them, before Taako sighed in resignation. “This place is turning into a zoo,” He grumbled, then held the tortoise out towards Angus. “ _Fine_ , you can keep it.”

“Yes! Thank you!” Angus threw his arms around Taako in a hug before he carefully took the tortoise from him. He hugged Kravitz, too, before holding the tortoise at eye-level. “Come on, Clyde! Let’s go see our room!”

“ _Clyde_?” Taako asked incredulously.

“I didn’t name him, sir!” Angus called over his shoulder as he raced down the hallway.

Kravitz snorted. “You named a female kitten ‘old man,’ who are you to talk?”

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Angus absolutely does 1000% of the required research to take care of the tortoise bc he’s a good good boy
> 
> Thanks for the read! If you like my work, I have a lot more on arcanelaurels.tumblr.com! Check it out!


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